Do you want to be a writer? Do you want to write a book people would like to read? I know I do. And on my quest to create a readable book, I have learned many tips and tricks and gained some valuable knowledge on the does and don'ts in writing. I'd love share all that with you.

Thursday, 25 July 2013

Utopia - a (very) short story

Hi,

since I have time now for other things than The Shed, I have tried my hand at something new - a miniature story that relies heavily on 'military' jargon.
I want to share it with you. I hope you'll like it. I plan to transform it into something bigger - use the setting and the special forces team and write a book about them.
That is if it is a material that can be used that way. I guess time will tell.
OK, and now I will leave you alone with the story.
Enjoy! 


Utopia


The sound of alarm filled the entire room. General Robbins entered it swiftly. One look at the panicked faces of his men told him all he needed to know. Finally, a code red.
"Report soldier!"
Called out man jumped to his feet and saluted.
"Law 714 X RT violation has been reported, sir. It has been confirmed."
Robbins schooled his features into indifference. Internally, he was busy jumping in glee. First crime this serious in a month, maybe more. He lost count. His men were getting rusty. It was about time for something to happen.
"Do you have a visual?"
"Yes, sir."
"Pull it up on screen."
"Roger, sir."
The giant screen came to life. The satellite image was blurry and Robbins had to strain his eyes to see anything.
"Adjusting screen resolution. Increasing details. Pulling up a high definition image, in four, three, two, one. Ready."
At first, nothing changed, then the image got sharper and Robbins sucked in a deep breath.
"Label the citizen as code red", his face, hidden by the bush of a beard, lit up with a smile. "A crime this bold in broad daylight, unbelievable."   
Lieutenant Hops was a good soldier but he lacked the love for excitement that helps on the job. Pearls of sweat run down his pale face as he looked at the screen.
"Worst case we've seen in months, sir."
Robbins sent him a disapproving glare and the man paled even more. In a situation like this none of his men was allowed to lose their cool. He too had to keep calm despite his excitement.
"Dispatch team alpha."  
"And bravo", he added after a moment's thought. "I want them on site in five."
"Sir, yes, sir."
Hops pressed three buttons and the round face of dispatcher popped up on the screen.
"Dispatch, deploy teams alpha and bravo. Confirmed code red in quadrant Delta-Omega-Bravo 45673."
The dispatcher's expression did not change. One collected son-of-a-gun, Robbins had to give him that. If nothing else.
"Understood. Teams dispatched."
"Send in a chopper and place two snipers on the roof."
Robbins threw an order at the last second. Then the screen went dark again.
There was no better time for a coffee than now, so he got up.
"Keep me up-to-date with the situation. If anything happens, get me immediately."
Hops nodded. He was still pale and sweating, and Robbins left the control room feeling both excited and irritated.


***


"They are approaching the target, sir."
Robbins kept his eyes on the screen. On it, his men were slowly getting closer to the vile criminal.
"Proceed with care. We don't know what he's capable of."
"Teams are in positions. Do we have green light?"
"You have green light. I repeat you have green light. The mission is a go."
They moved all at once and Robbins held his breath for a split second. Then it was all over.
"Report, now." He raised his voice .
The speaker crackled. Then the Alpha team leader's calm voice could be heard.
"Citizen, labelled code red, has been removed from the bicycle lane, his presence on which violated the law 714 X RT. No previous records of law violation could be found, he didn't put up any resistance during arrest. Based on the mission outcome, code reduced to yellow."
Robbins clapped his hands and smiled.
"Good job, boys. Leave the citizen to the local law enforcers and return to base, we have a possible code double red, a citizen has been reported to be smoking in a public area."
There was a rustle, and Robbins suspected that the leader had just saluted him over the communicator.
"Understood, sir."
Robbins took a sip of his, now cold, coffee. The feeling of satisfaction warmed him up enough. 


I hope you liked it. 
Feedback is truly appreciated.

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